no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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