i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
