then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
