if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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