you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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