I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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