I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
