Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
