i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
