Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
