And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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