we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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