I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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