but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
