Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm like, not good at living.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
