There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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