Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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