Im at strip club and am horny
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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