Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
