It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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