last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
