i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
