oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm at about main and main street
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
