have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
