I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
