we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
only you would photoshop your dick
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
