You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
