That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
