I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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