mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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