FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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