I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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