Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I currently don't understand fingers.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
