it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
