so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
