Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
