Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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