He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
