Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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