My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
