saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
