idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
