So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
