I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
