i think i have herpe
just one?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
