Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
