Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
