i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
