What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
