Plan B is the new Plan A
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
