Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
