I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
