Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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