so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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