dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
