Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
