Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it glows. i had to have it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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