Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
