I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
